Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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