What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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