rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize