Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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