Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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