I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
