if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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