Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
