I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
