so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
