Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
