I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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