I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
