remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize