The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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