Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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