I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
