I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I just put wine in my tea
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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