Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
