so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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