So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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