Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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