Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
