he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
