Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize