I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
