First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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