sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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