It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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