Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
