Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize