Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
