Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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