Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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