Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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