I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
