Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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