Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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