Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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