if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
