Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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