She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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