what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
