farters have to be the big spoon...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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