im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
