Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
