Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
