i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
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well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
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alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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