I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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