He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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