I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
