East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
