i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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