every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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