I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
