Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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