I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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