you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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